Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
