Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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