no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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