Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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