is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
