I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
