I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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