you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
