I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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