i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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