I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
