drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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