I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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