HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
