our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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