Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
