just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
