i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
