does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
