I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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