He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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