Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
