if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
