he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
