i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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