I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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