I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
