yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
