I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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