May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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