cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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