Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize