My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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