the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
