I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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