So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
