Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
