I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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