The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
