I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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