Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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