Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
