its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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