Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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