Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
