my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
