omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
