Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
