I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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