I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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