You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
