So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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