You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
