my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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