Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
