This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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