WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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