We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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