his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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