I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
