if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
