Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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