My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
