I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
