Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
