I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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