yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
