I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
