My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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