I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
